This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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