Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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