In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
