I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nicole vs. Life
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
