Im at strip club and am horny
I CAN MOONWALK!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
