Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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