Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i was born a porn star she said
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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