he wants to bone in the snuggie
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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