weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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