I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
