I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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