did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
