Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
