Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
