I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
