but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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