Are we in a gay sports bar?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
