i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
