As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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