I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
