Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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