Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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