It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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