I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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