there's paper in my vomit.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
