i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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