the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
