i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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