I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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