my sisters under your porch take her home
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
