I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She is in my trunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
