I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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