My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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