You're my little dorito
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
