When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So much Jack, so little girl.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
