he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
