The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
