well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
