dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
