Betty ford says i'm here all night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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