ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you still have your period?
I puked a lego.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
