i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
