smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
