I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
