I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
