I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
