omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
