I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she peed on how many people?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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