I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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