u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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