when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
