You just made me feel so damn special
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
